Blending in? … #FAIL

No pictures, please!

No pictures, please!

I am so incredibly important. I can’t go to the restroom without eyes on me. I walk down the street with paparazzi, little people trying to get my attention, gain my favor and who simply adore me. I have immense power and even more responsibility.

If I teach my children anything, it is that they are beautiful, capable wondrous beings. Ok. Maybe not unique snowflakes, but still incredible all the same. And with this lesson comes the realization that they will indeed inherit my vices. They will learn to question their intelligence, dislike their bodies and forever search for the “perfect”…something.

What do you do when you were never traditionally beautiful? When you were never the best at anything in particular? What do you strive for when all you ever wanted was to fit in, to be normal? How do you teach your children that being like everyone else should not be their aspiration, when you know deep down, you have always craved to be a part of something? They are their mother’s children, after all.

When I was young, I wanted to be the female James Bond, the first XX 007. My father said, “you cannot be a spy. You are in no way inconspicuous.” I thought that was the worst thing in the world! Why am I so different, I wailed? I was the little girl who played with the boys, liked science, math, comic books and wrestling. I was the one who did not develop an interest in the opposite sex for so long, my friends started to question my sanity.  I had dreams that came true, magically knew lottery numbers for my grandmother and could feel someone’s emotions.  I was the one who heard it once and aced the test, the one who wrecked the bell curve for my classmates and the girl who played in all male softball league. My mom was a girlie girl, my grandmother, aunts; but I just couldn’t seem to get it down. I was taller than everyone else, wore a training bra in second grade and knew I would have an office with my name on the door by the time I turned 8. And every step of the way, the world kept telling me I wasn’t even close to their version of normal. SO, of course, that was my greatest desire!

My child is also not “normal.” He is a quirky, intelligent, silly, independent, alarmingly considerate, comic book loving gentle giant. He will not develop my fears! He sees me as a rock star! I am the most intense version of perfection he knows. My body consists of hugging arms, strong legs, soothing tones and love. He says I am the most brilliant person he knows and he wants to be like me when he grows up. How can I, in good conscience, still hold onto these destructive views of myself? The world cannot validate me, but I have one who sure can sway me towards the truth. Normal is overrated anyway. Why spend my time trying to hide the brilliance inside? My dad knew what he was talking about. I am in no way inconspicuous.  Why would I even want to fit in, when I was born to stand out?

So, when my son begins to question himself, saying he tries not to appear too smart in class. I see myself in him and realize I must become a better example. When he says he doesn’t look like he wishes he could, I know I have work to do. After all, I am the most powerful influence in his life and have an incredible responsibility. I accept the challenge of loving myself enough to let him see how much he shines!

 

I don’t always question myself, but when I do my response answers THE question.

Stay divalicious, my friends.

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Just Keep Swimming – Lupus

Shoes!

Shoes!

I receive compliments on my shoes daily, but what should really be applauded is my ability to get into them. Do you know it took 45 minutes, 3 painkillers and a healthy dose of pleading prayer to put those (or any) footwear on this morning? No?  Then I’m thankful I make this look easy! 

If you know me, or most women, you know that I love my zapatos! I have a collection of fierce footwear with heels that contribute to my Amazon nickname. I’ve been collecting them since the day I realized I could walk away from my wheelchair for more than a short period of time. There was a moment in my not so distant past when that did not seem probable. And if I’d listened to my doctors, possible. They told me I’d never walk again. With the way this newly diagnosed lupus had me feeling, I almost believed them! When they told me I wouldn’t make it out of the hospital and all they could do was keep me comfortable until the end, it took everything in me to remain calm for my family. They said I’d be lucky to make it to the end of the week.

That was almost 12 years ago. Needless to say, I made it to see that Sunday and the next and…I’d been poked, prodded, used as a case study, written up in medical LupusAwarenessRibbonjournals and treated as a genuine piece of fiction; but they still all agreed that walking was out of the question. Now, I won’t say it was easy or that I’d wish this journey on anyone; but I will say, this taught me that I have not met a limitation yet! My desire knows no bounds! I treated my recovery like I treat every issue in life. If you just put one foot in front of the other, you will end up in an amazing place no matter how dark and desperate it may seem right now. I love the phrase Dorie sings in Finding Nemo and use it daily, “Just keep swimming.”  I have been called Dorie and Nemo a time or two. Nemo because I always want to do something I’m told I cannot.

So, to those doctors I say, “thank you!” You gave me an obstacle. I hurdled it with huge strides and great shoes! I still have lupus and it still hurts daily, but am thankful for every moment! I am a living testimony. People constantly tell me they could not walk in my shoes because of the height, but now you know exactly where these feet have been. So, when you see me in 5 inch heels, just know it took a miracle to be able to fill those! And I know it took a long journey to be able to fill yours. Let’s go shoe shopping one day. I’d love to hear your story.

 

I don’t always buy cute shoes, but …wait, yes I do! I don’t always get an illness, but when I do, my recovery saves the world!

Stay divalicious, my friends.

Silly Girl, Serious Flirt

HangersJoinedTIP: FIND YOUR PASSION, then figure out how to get paid for it.

TIP: Do your clothes slip off your hangers, but you feel those snazzy non-slip hangers are just a bit expensive? Make your own! It’s easy! DIY nonslip hangers: Just add a bit of rubber cement to the ends of your current hangers. They will still look the same, but will hold all of your larger or delicate items! (One Little Minute)

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I’m high on life and smile all the time! I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Drugs do certain things to you, the good ones anyway. They increase the natural opiates in your body, releasing serotonin, making you feel good. They also make you feel more confident. I found something that costs much less AND helps you in other areas of your life, without the sad and often times dangerous side effects: FLIRTING!

CallMeCropFlirting is defined by Webster as to behave amorously without serious intent. This means relax, it’s not that serious! Flirting should be enjoyed by both parties. I look at it as doing my part to bring joy to the world. Who doesn’t like to be playfully adored (in a non-creepy way) for a few moments?

Have I mentioned that I love flirting? Besides reading, learning new things and poetry, it is one of my favorite pastimes! I do it often and without abandon. I find that the people around me smile more and are generally pretty happy. I met a few new people this weekend. One man said, “Do people tell you that you make them smile… because you do!”  Another woman said, “your hug just made me feel so happy and loved.” The man’s girlfriend said, “her everything makes you feel happy. She makes it seem like you are the most desired person in the planet!” Funny enough, I only spent about 5 minutes with these people and do not even remember their names, but they were joyful and I was thrilled.

Flirting is easy, once you get used to the idea that you are just having fun. You are not trying to actually date everyone you flirt with. However, if you are using flirting to score a date, here are some helpful tips that have worked like a charm.

  1. IMG_2366Eye contact. This is the first, and coupled with number 2, most powerful component of flirting. Your eyes can say volumes before you even open your mouth. Also, it is always better to say nothing if you’re unsure what is appropriate. Let them think you intelligent, mysterious, alluring, creative, etc. If you haven’t said anything, they have no idea and will only think the best of you!
  2. Confidence! Nothing is more attractive than confidence. If you don’t quite believe it yet, fake it. It will eventually come. Looking someone in their eyes takes confidence. Head up, shoulders back, firm handshake. These all say you are sure of yourself. Take a deep breath before your first words and show the world how amazing you are!
  3. Ask them about them. People love to talk about themselves!
  4. SMILE! Show them you are interested, engaged and friendly. No one wants to talk to a sourpuss!
  5. Find a way to touch them. Now this does not mean grope them! Unless that is the direction you want to go in or are ok with being slapped or worse, refrain from it. I mean, find a way to make your hands touch or gently brush their arm. Those movies where someone bumps into the girl and she ends up being caught in the arms of the boy…yeah, that works too. 😉
  6. Smile!

    Smile!

    Be yourself! Sometimes people want to put on a macho façade or pretend to be a sexually aggressive female  to get people to like you, but in the end, the ones that matter will always want to know the real you. It saves on later heartache when the real you inevitable shows itself.

So GO, make other people smile and build your confidence! All it takes is practice. See how much better you feel after you’ve spent a little time flirting.  Oh, and feel free to share the juicy results with me. I love that kind of thing! (wink)

I don’t always flirt, but when I do, I change the world!

Stay divalicious, my friends

Bad Mommy

berriesTIP: When you get your berries home, prepare a mixture of one part vinegar (white or apple cider) and ten parts water. Dump the berries into the mixture and swirl around. Drain, rinse if you want (though the mixture is so diluted you can’t taste the vinegar,) and pop in the fridge. The vinegar kills any mold spores and other bacteria on the surface. Raspberries will last a week or more, and strawberries go almost two weeks without getting moldy and soft.

TIP: For your windshield, buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When it fogs, rub it with the eraser. Works better than a cloth!

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 Ah, summer! The warmth, laughter, vacations, anticipation. I remember not being able to wait until summer! Countdown began after Easter break. Calendar had the last day circled in red with large Xs looking like lots of wrong Family Feud answers, moving slowly like traffic jams before reaching the glorious open space beyond the bottleneck. Every kid longs for the release found after that final bell.

But I am a parent and after 2 months, I cannot wait for them to go back to school! I need my quiet, my peace! Does that make me a bad parent? I am so happy the first day is just around the corner, I can barely BeachChaircontain my excitement! School clothes shopping, check. New book bag, check. New shoes, check. Lunch supplies, check. Oh, all of these and more, I would gladly pay just for some silence!

Now, I know we all love our babies! I adore mine. They are our light, life and joy. They give new meaning, BUT I am still a human being, still a woman and still love some things I did before becoming a parent. I crave solitude, if only for a few minutes. God, just let me pee in peace!!! Their cute little face, incredible sense of humor, creativity, intelligence, uniqueness.  We appreciate it and so will their teachers. Go back to school! I think we should have school all year like in Asia. No wonder our kids are falling behind. I’m not selfish, just trying to get them the best education and save our future! Look at what a good Mommy I am.

Funny enough, I also say that school cramps my style. I wonder why they have to go so early on my days off.  And when I want to go on a trip in the middle of the year, consider homeschooling so we can travel the world. Then I am reminded of these last summer days and think, “Are you crazy?! You wouldn’t have any peace then!”  So, I supplement the education he receives and take comfort in the fact that mine learns life lessons on the weekends. And this is how I keep my sanity.  🙂

I don’t always need time away from the kiddies, but when I do, I make it EPIC!

Stay divalicious, my friends

Introduction

Extra closet space! :-)

Extra closet space! 🙂

TIP: Ever lose your cellphone and end up having your spouse/ friend/ boy/girlfriend call it so you can follow the sound of your ringtone to the place you last left it? What happens when you lose your phone and no one is around to call it for you? Go tohttp://www.wheresmycellphone.com/. Enter your phone number and the computer will call it for you.

TIP: Laying a wooden spoon across a pot will keep it from boiling over.

TIP: Double your closet space! You can hang like items together or put together entire outfits! Place a soda can tab on your hanger, then place another hanger through the other opening on the tab. >>>>

TIP: Clear your cookies before booking flights!! Many travel sites track the number of times you have visited and will base the price depending on this. By clearing your cookies it will look as though you are a first time visitor and your price will be lower.

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There is usually a party in my head and you are invited! Hi. This is J. Simone. Spoken word artist, tv and radio personality, girl next door, glamazon and all

All legs!

All legs!

around intellectual diva. This blog is for my people who want to be their best selves. People who want to improve their situation and reduce their stress level.  We are going on a journey together. We’ll laugh, learn, travel, upgrade ourselves and have fun along the way!iphone 040

This silly girl will show you how to be a serious flirt, improve your credit, be a hit at a party, make a mean dessert, love yourself more, dress for your body, become a bedroom god/goddess, get free stuff, hold your own at a Comic Con or Mensa convention (yes, I’ve been a rockstar at both!) and a host of other things to make you the most interesting person in the world.

I don’t always introduce myself, but when I do, paparazzi shows up.

Stay divalicious, my friends.

You can also visit me at http://www.jsimone.net  and  www.youtube.com/iamjsimone